I have a bad feeling...

...about the hairless human. Sure, she's "cute" according to my Mom. But then again, she used to say I was cute too. Look where that got me...stuck in a kennel all day and being groped by the hairless human at night. She's really on the move and as soon as she sees me plop down on the ground, she comes in for the attack. The attack usually involves some pounding and squealing. I think she's excited, but she just squeaks and squawks at me. There's also some head-butting. So uncool.
 

On a happier note, Mom has been taking me for walks every night, but she insists on bringing that giant rolling contraption with the hairless human in it. It's the only time of day she's quiet. It's AWESOME!

 

I'm going back to sleep now...

-Tank OUT

The Hairless Human Strikes Again

The hairless human is walking on all fours like me now...well, almost. She can walk on all fours backward, but she hops like a frog frontward. And now she thinks it's funny to head-butt me and grab my collar tags...you know, those ones that keep bringing me back to these ungrateful parents. Here's a video of her thinking it's really funny.

-Tank OUT

Well, it's official...

...the hairless human is now my permanent sibling. For the last six months I've tried really hard to NOT like her, but it's impossible. She smiles at me, pulls on my ears, and ALWAYS smiles at me. My Mom says we're going to be BFF's...whatever that means. The first time she said it, I thought she meant that I was going to get some beef to eat, but that never happened. Beef sounds good...or maybe some cheese? Speaking of, they've been holding out on the cheese lately. I only get it if I have a bully tremor, which isn't really fun. Sometimes I get peanut butter too...yum, food.

Oh, back to the hairless human. My parents came home today all happy and smiling - apparently it was a big deal. Whatever - if it was such a big deal, why didn't I get to go.

Here's a photo of my handsome mug and the hairless human - I think she's trying to eat my toys. I saw her gnawing on one of my bones the other day. Silly kid. Maybe she'll share her toys one of these days...or food. Yeah, food.

 

-Tank OUT

I'm sexy and I know it

I've been waiting for the opportunity to show off how sexy I am, but my Mom is too busy taking photos of that hairless human. I mean, seriously...my face could be on the cover of a magazine. Check it out, Aunt Sarah took this photo the other day and I'm pretty sure I'm considered a sexy beast. My Mom and the hairless human, not so much.

 

Mom told me I was such a good boy for posing in the photo, then she locked me in the house for six hours. I don't see them locking that little hairless squawker up in the house?! What has happened to my household? I'd like to learn to text like that genius bully of "Texts From Dog", then I could torture my parents ALL DAY LONG.

On another note, does the hairless human look like she wants to eat me? Not cool, I'd better watch my back.

-Tank OUT

Second Fiddle

Seriously, my parents kinda suck. Ever since the hairless human arrived, I've been relegated to the backyard, the kennel, the corner, you name it...I've been stuck there. The other day, Mom left me in the backyard when she went to a softball game. Lucky for me, the gate was left open and I tried to flee. But, I only made it a couple blocks before I got tired, and I kind of missed the hairless human. I have to admit, she's really cute and she's always smiling. What is that about?

After my little jaunt, I went back to the house and rested under a rig in the driveway. My Mom was really happy to see me when she got home. I got lots of love that day!

My latest trick is standing by the door politely requesting to go outside to go potty, then I take off...I like it because strangers find me and tell me how cute I am. But then they call my Mom and Dad (apparently they tagged me, so I wouldn't get lost) to come get me. If I was a little faster, I could get further than a block away...  Last night these really nice people found me and told me they were sorry that I was lonely because of my new sister. I was hoping they'd take me home with them, but they called Mom instead. Boo.

I guess she's kind of cute...for a hairless human. Her bum smells delicious sometimes...

I guess I'll just have to wait until the hairless human can chase me around in a few years...that might be fun. Until then, I'll just hang out sunbathing.

-Tank OUT

Aunt Sarah is so mean!

She's like a drill sergeant! My parents took the hairless human to AZ to see Grandma & Grandpa. This is what I'm dealing with.

I was finally getting a good night's sleep because "the truth is" that new baby wakes up all through the night!! Then Aunt Sarah came crashing through the door yelling my name, making me get up from my super soft blanket on my human's couch and made me go on a long walk! What is she crazy?!? Does she really think I want a morning run? Before breakfast even? Geez, I'm not training for an agility training competition! At least my big cousin came along with me. He moves so fast! His legs are a lot longer and he could even jump into a river without drowning. I look up to that big yellow dummy! I was so annoyed with Aunt Sarah for ruining my sleeping in schedule that I pooped as far away as I could from her. That way she had to walk across the snowy field in her bright pink spring shoes. Serves her right for making me workout!! (Insert my evil laugh here) Then just to be a stubborn ass when we came back from our run I went and laid under your car so she couldn't make me come back in the house. Now I'm basking in the sun working on my tan. Hopefully the sun will give me more wrinkles because the chicks dig my wrinkles!

-Tank OUT

Hairless Humans

Well...they did it. My parents brought home a hairless human. Last week, out of the blue, they went away for the night and came back with a little puppy that squeaks and produces relish smelling diapers. I think it's a she, because they keep asking me if I like my little sister. I'm not sure I like having her here though, because I have to sleep on the floor and I don't get to go to the park very often. Lame. I think she's only on loan, so she might not be here forever... I guess I'll protect her while she's here - she's pretty cute and I think she likes to snuggle.

They totally ditched me this week to go take pictures of her...check them out here: http://relicphotographicblog.com/

-Tank OUT