I have a bad feeling...

...about the hairless human. Sure, she's "cute" according to my Mom. But then again, she used to say I was cute too. Look where that got me...stuck in a kennel all day and being groped by the hairless human at night. She's really on the move and as soon as she sees me plop down on the ground, she comes in for the attack. The attack usually involves some pounding and squealing. I think she's excited, but she just squeaks and squawks at me. There's also some head-butting. So uncool.
 

On a happier note, Mom has been taking me for walks every night, but she insists on bringing that giant rolling contraption with the hairless human in it. It's the only time of day she's quiet. It's AWESOME!

 

I'm going back to sleep now...

-Tank OUT

Aunt Sarah is so mean!

She's like a drill sergeant! My parents took the hairless human to AZ to see Grandma & Grandpa. This is what I'm dealing with.

I was finally getting a good night's sleep because "the truth is" that new baby wakes up all through the night!! Then Aunt Sarah came crashing through the door yelling my name, making me get up from my super soft blanket on my human's couch and made me go on a long walk! What is she crazy?!? Does she really think I want a morning run? Before breakfast even? Geez, I'm not training for an agility training competition! At least my big cousin came along with me. He moves so fast! His legs are a lot longer and he could even jump into a river without drowning. I look up to that big yellow dummy! I was so annoyed with Aunt Sarah for ruining my sleeping in schedule that I pooped as far away as I could from her. That way she had to walk across the snowy field in her bright pink spring shoes. Serves her right for making me workout!! (Insert my evil laugh here) Then just to be a stubborn ass when we came back from our run I went and laid under your car so she couldn't make me come back in the house. Now I'm basking in the sun working on my tan. Hopefully the sun will give me more wrinkles because the chicks dig my wrinkles!

-Tank OUT

It's Almost Spring!

I can't wait for spring - I'm sick of having frozen paws on our walks. Yesterday, was beautiful outside and Mom thought it was really fun to throw the tennis ball down the street for me. I ran after it, but couldn't stand to pick it up because my flat smooshed gorgeous face would scrape the ice. Ouch. And I'm pretty sure the ladies won't dig a scarface...or would they?

Until I can enjoy time outside, I'll have to resort to window sunbathing.



 

All I'm missing is a mankini. Bow-chicka-bow-wow.

 

-Tank - OUT



Mean Dog Mommy

Seriously, my Mom keeps posting these photos of me sleeping and she claims that I've spent the last three years sleeping? I beg to differ...I'm fairly certain that I wasn't sleeping while she was dressing me in ridiculous outfits? What is this shit?

This is some purple sparkly shit that she was raving about, while making tutu dresses. I'm a dude - not a princess.

Or what about this? Oh, you think Aunt Sarah's pink unicorn wig looks good on me? How's about I go pee on your laundry?

 

Your sunglasses and scarf on me...oh, so funny!? Let me return the favor by eating them. Does that make you laugh? Didn't think so, Mom!



 



I think she may have sent this out as an Easter card. Pink. Flipping. Bunny. Ears. Super mean, right?

And Christmas-time? Torture, pure torture!

Okay...I may have been sleeping in one instance, but that doesn't give her the right to dress me up! And she wonders why I eat her shoes and pee on her clothes. Sheesh.

Of course, there is one outfit I like. My girlfriend, Lisa, from across the street made me this awesome sweater for winter walking. She even cut out a pee-hole for me. At least she likes me - she even takes me walking while my lame parents are at work.

Thanks, Lisa!!